


Hands Full of Tears

by RecluseWriter



Category: Library of Ruina (Video Game)
Genre: Blood, Child Death, Gen, Graphic Description of Corpses, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicide, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:07:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28445151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RecluseWriter/pseuds/RecluseWriter
Summary: Having finished delivering Prescripts earlier than normal, Yan takes the time to check in with homeless.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	Hands Full of Tears

People binded themselves in rags, which they called clothes. They lived in their own filth, grasping onto life or willfully giving into death. Such a common sight especially if you spent all day walking the streets where they slept. A few were friendly, greeting those who walked by, some were extremely aggressive, and many were dead quiet. Yan greeted them and wished that things got better. Being so low in the system of life, being seen by others gave them a sense of existing. That they mattered. Whenever he had time, Yan would listen to their troubles. Every word that poured out of their mouths, stabbed a knife through his heart and sanity. Stories of how their children died, how their addictions destroyed them, and how they planned to kill themselves. Sometimes they didn’t talk at all and just cried into his chest. To show so much emotional and mental vulnerability only showed how broken and beaten these people were. 

Though, every encounter with each person left an affect on him, one in particular completely destroyed part of his emotional well being. There was a family of three, a daughter, mother, and a baby on the way. Yan had talked to them on multiple occasions before. The father had died in an accident, and being the only provider, caused the family to fall into poverty. The mother had fallen ill and was only getting worse by the day. One day, where the family would normally be, was empty. Yan had asked where they had been, and was directed to a small cut out in a wall at the back of a little alleyway of sorts. As he grew closer, a strong smell of blood grew. Blood was a normal smell in the City, but this smelt different. Maybe the mother had given birth. Maybe it was the smell of placenta? He never smelt it before but it probably had a smell. He rounded the cover to see the mother with her stomach cut open and her uterus hanging out. She was freshly dead. The daughter was curled up in the corner, tucking something into her chest. Shaken by the sight and putting two and two together, Yan slowly walked over to the daughter. Suddenly, the girl jumped up and latched onto him, along with the thing she was holding. She cried and screamed saying she was going to die and she wouldn’t have part of her mother if she didn’t do what she did. Yan stroked her hair, not knowing what else he could do. How do you comfort someone who cut open her mother for the sake of having some part of her? The daughter pulled away, leaving what she was holding in view. It was the baby.

Bile rose in his throat at the sight. Being so delusional or high off the fear of what she did, the daughter didn’t notice that she had cut open the baby’s chest. The cut wasn’t deep leading Yan to believe it was an accident. The girl’s eyes widened and she shoved the baby into Yan’s arms. Before having a chance to react, the daughter put a shard of glass through her throat. As she drowned in her own blood, the words “I didn’t mean too” poured out. Carrying the dead baby, Yan stumbled out onto the street. The homeless people took notice and rushed over to help him. He didn’t remember what happened after that as he had passed out in his own vomit. One of the people that had helped him, filled him on what happened after he passed out. A summation was that Yan was cleaned up and the baby was put with their sister and mother. The space in the wall was covered up by a metal sheet. No one talked about what happened. It was in the past and didn’t need to be brought up. Yan didn’t cope well, blaming himself for what happened. He didn’t try enough, He didn’t do enough. Nothing in his power could make up for the guilt he felt. No matter how much Yan cut his wrists, it never felt like enough. 

________________________________________ 

All his given Prescripts were delivered, being done swiftly. With the extra time he had, Yan wanted to spend it checking in with every homeless person he could find. To at least have a general idea of a route he would take, Yan decided that he would have checkpoints, being the groups he frequently saw. He always picked up on small details of different areas, allowing him to find a location from almost anywhere he was. A skill very useful when your job is delivering in a world painted in sadness and death. A quick look around gave Yan an idea what the nearest group would be. It was the group where the family of three had lived. Yan sighed and hesitantly started on his way. 

________________________________________ 

_Why didn’t I do more? I failed them. I killed them._

“Messenger Yan.”

Yan’s head snapped up to see Hubert staring down at him. His hand was on Yan’s shoulder, stopping him from walking right into him. 

“Oh, sorry. I was lost in my thoughts.”

“You should know that you should always be on guard.”

“I know…..It was nice to see you, but I need to be on my way.”  
Yan shrugged off Hubert’s hand and walked past, tripping over something on the ground. Thankfully, Hubert grabbed Yan’s cloak collar saving him from landing face first into the dirt. Hubert pulled him up right, allowing Yan to see what he tripped on. It was a corpse. 

“Messenger Yan, I don’t believe you in the shape to be traveling on your own.”

“I appreciate your concern, but I promise I am perfectly ok.”

After successfully stepping over the body, Yan headed off on his way.

________________________________________

Still traveling his thoughts, though not to the intensity he was before, Yan managed to make his way closer to his destination without incident. With more focus on his surroundings, he was able to pick up on the noises around him. Quiet talking from passersby, the sound squishing flesh, and rummaging of garbage cans to name a few. Investigating each rummaging sound led to finding someone, who either cursed him out or feared him. The ones that were fearful, usually cried and tried to hide. Yan didn’t blame them, whether their reason for acting as such was their recognition of his attire or that of his niceness. “Nice” people always want something in return for their good hearted-actions. For the ones that didn’t hide, they cautious walked up to him and talked. Most of it was normal daily chatter that you hear from friends. Others were emotional breakdowns. His suit and cloak were drenched in tears after each time, nothing new to him. Once they were almost completely calmed down did Yan and them part ways. 

Finally, Yan had arrived at his first checkpoint. One of the kids noticed him and ran to tell the rest of the group. He was welcomed and bombarded with questions on how he was and so on and so forth. They introduced him to the new faces that joined into their group. As a whole, everyone seemed fairly well off, at least well off they could be. He offered each one individually if they wanted to talk about anything with him. The first that accepted was a little boy. The boy grabbed Yan’s hand and pulled him into a small alleyway. Almost instinctively, Yan’s feet attempted to dig into the rocks and cement. His hand caught the wall, causing him to stop completely. The boy whipped around and opened his mouth to speak. Before getting the chance, Yan's name was called out.

"Yan! Someone from the Index is here!"

Without a second's hesitation, Yan was off to the source of the voice. As for the someone from the Index question, that was easily solved without even thinking. 

“Greetings Messenger Yan.”

“Hello Hubert. Nice to see you again.”

“Same to you as well.”

“DId you need me for anything?”

“No Messenger Yan.”

“If that is the case, please excuse me as I have some business to attend too.”

Yan turned and dragged himself back toward the boy who was patiently waiting. He stopped himself at the entrance of the alleyway, refusing to let himself go any farther. The boy looked confused, and like any curious kid, he questioned it. 

"What's the matter, Mr. Messenger?"

"Nothing. What did you want to talk about?"

"Well...I was wondering what was back there….Everyone tells me there’s nothing and not to go back there.” 

Yan hesitated, trying to think of an answer that would drop the question, but his thoughts were hazy and unfocused. 

“Umm….”

“Are you not going to tell me either? Just because I’m a kid, doesn’t mean I can’t understand things.”

The boy was very obviously frustrated and sad. A not so curious combination of emotions given the situation. His fists were clenched as he turned and started down the alley. Feet finally able to move, Yan rushed forward, grabbing the boy by the shoulder and pulling him close. The boy kicked at Yan’s knees, attempting to free himself. In a desperate move, the boy managed to bite on a small spot of exposed wrist. Painfully as it was, Yan's grip only faltered, keeping the boy in place. Realizing that one bite wouldn't be enough, the boy tried again. Before he could, he was pulled away, leaving Yan emptied armed. 

"Are you alright Messenger Yan?"

Yan a small and quick nod, focusing on his wrist. Turning his attention from Yan to the boy now in his grip, Hubert knelt down, hands on the boy's shoulders. Surprisingly, the boy didn't try to free himself from Hubert's grip. Was it because of how much of an obvious size and strength advantage Hubert had over him or he come to a realization? 

“There was no need to act in such a way.”

No reply from the boy. 

“Has everyone told you not to go back there?”

A small nod.

“Do you trust those that have told you that?”

A slight hesitation before a nod.

“Then until you have reason to not, listen to what they say.”

“Why? Doesn’t everyone stab you back once they gain your trust?”

“Not always.”

“Then how are you supposed to know when someone won’t?”

“That’s impossible to tell. I can only say that you can’t always live in fear of being hurt by those you trust.”

Without saying a word, Hubert removed his hands from the boy’s shoulders. The boy then walked over to Yan, face painted with a frown. 

“I’m sorry I bit you and kicked you.”

“I forgive you. Now, you go back there from now on. Promise?”

The boy nodded and Yan nodded back. With that, the boy rushed out of the alleyway. Yan was still rubbing the spot where the boy had bitten him. No blood was drawn, thankfully, but it was hard to tell if a blood vessel was ruptured. Hubert walked over, making Yan immediately pull his sleeve up and put his hands back down to his sides. 

“Thank you.”

“For what Messenger Yan?”

“For helping the boy understand. I wasn’t thinking clearly and I didn’t know what to say.”

“No thanks is needed…..Do you plan to stay here for a while?’

“Yes. I was trying to see if anyone wanted to have a personal conversation with me before what had just happened.”

“I see. I do not have any tasks of my own for the time being. Would you mind if I joined you?”

“Not at all. But, mind if I ask you a question?”

“No.”

“Did you follow me here?”

“No. I was going in a similar direction as you.”

“Oh ok. Well, we should head out of this alley.”

“Of course.”

The two walked back out of the alleyway into the dimly lit street. 

“Messenger Yan, thank you.”

Before getting the chance to question what was said, Hubert was already off talking to people. Perplexed by the statement, Yan took a moment to think. Thank you for what? As much as he wanted to think of an answer, he was called by somebody. His thoughts were for a later time. Now was the time to think about others. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
